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The Transformative Power of Self-Discovery Through Healing

A few years ago, I surrendered to a life of faith. Before that, I experienced a long journey of pain, and after becoming hopeless I only had two choices that could change my life forever...die or enter my darkness. The steps leading to this point in my life was very complexed and quite honestly, it caused me fall into deep depression and suffered many anxiety attacks. At that time in my life, I was active duty in the United States Army for over 10 years. So, when the time came for me to make a life altering decision to medically retire, I had no other choice than to trust the unknown because something had to change if I wanted to live. I honestly felt over the years that God was nudging me to let my Army career go, but I had no other goals or dreams. So, I remained trapped in the Army because I needed to survive and provide for my family. Now that I live a conscious and spiritual life, I understand that it took a lot of suffering for me to realize that I was out of alignment to my purpose and far from who I was created to be.

Realizing that I was out of alignment and unaware of who I truly was as a person landed me into looking at my shadow. In my shadow, are the parts of me that is hidden and avoided because it kept me safe from the events that caused me pain in the past. Everything I have experience that traumatized me or caused me shame, sadness, rejection, anger, regret, rejection, and resentment was in my shadow, my darkness. I learned over time that it was best to look at the pieces of my past as if they were books on the shelf because it’s impossible to heal everything at once. So, I followed the guidance of my heart and focused on what surface in the present moments. Since I chose to view the events of my past as books, I would like to call the first book I opened “Running from Sexual Abuse”. I wrestled with ever having to look this traumatic event in the face because it had already subconsciously ruled my life, and the thought of allowing the emotions to surface nearly killed me. But again, there was no other direction to go, and this event was the root to every issue or challenge that I had experienced in my life because it was the first major offense.

Now I must admit, I had the assistance of a therapist during this time, and if you decide to see a therapist, it is very important that you find someone who is capable of creating a safe space for you so that you may open your heart and express your truth. However, there are times where people don’t give their therapist the opportunity to assist appropriately because of trust issues, and they may feel that there is no point in a therapist since they have adapted to a life of pain. I was that type of person; I went to therapy for years before I truly let go and exposed my truth about the sexual abuse I encountered. Until I could admit my truth to myself that I was sexually abused at a very young age, I would not have been able to heal the other wounds appropriately. Now going back to when I truly committed to this process, I remember being so distant from the little girl (inner child) that it happened to. I had completely disassociated myself from that offense because it protected me. It took some time for me to accept and release my emotions and the version of myself that was created from this horrific offense, so after I admitting my truth there was more work to do. This is the part most people stop the healing process because it’s scary traveling back to a place you tried so hard to avoid, it felt like the weight of that burden would smother me. But when you really think about it, it is a death occurring, I was letting go of the attachment to that offense, shedding layers of pain, causing a transformation within me to take place.

Transformation means a thorough or dramatic change in form or appearance. I felt different, accomplished even. This experience changed me forever, it transformed me into a person I didn’t recognize in the best possible way. Defeating the enemy of the past created a warrior of light within me to keep going, to keep healing! I learned the true meaning of self-love and realized that self-love is form of discipline and commitment. So, I committed to myself, my journey, and my purpose by deepening my spiritual, emotional, and mental health that results in keeping me in alignment to who I am created to be. After facing my reflection and receiving the revelation of this mind-blowing process, I finally learned that my challenges were aligning me to my purpose and what God wanted for my life.

This was just the beginning of my journey through self-discovery, and since then I have uncovered many truths, released some relationships, and gained a beautiful life of peace. The power of healing has completely transformed my life and I am so grateful to my Creator. Life is meant to be cherished and experienced, and often times we miss the opportunity to fully live because our focus is on the pain of past and not the purpose of the pain.


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