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I forgive myself, now I can love with boundaries.

When I was growing up, I didn’t know how important it was to love myself before anyone else. I always saw people, as in my family, breaking themselves down to prove their love to others. So of course, I grew up doing the same for family and friends. I never realized my worth then, or better yet what self-worth meant. So, I became a person who put others before my needs, and I have learned that path will eventually lead to self-destruction and mental illness.

That way of living didn’t really hit until I realized all that I have given to people over time versus what I received in return. I’ve never expected anything in return, but I did understand everyone didn’t deserve me and the energy I released. Generally, women are known to take care of home and make sure everyone is healthy, but we usually don’t do that from a place of loving ourselves first. The way we love and nurture ourselves is how we do the same for the people we love, especially our children. So, the question is, are you loving from a place of hurt or from a place of genuine love for yourself?

Loving from a place of hurt comes from unhealed traumas. This can be unhealthy because this is coming from a place of fear and sadness. Therefore, addressing our wounds is so important. An example of this can be from being abandoned, neglected, abused, and anything that has brought fear or sadness in your life. So, therefore it is important to learn and love ourselves on a deeper level.

I’m very active in my journey of spirituality and healing. So that means I’m very aware of when a “healing” moment arise. This realization for me set me back because I couldn’t figure out exactly what this feeling was originating from. Usually, it takes 3 days for me to process everything, but it took more because turns out this was very extensive for me. The healing lesson I had to learn was “how I never required much from people, but I gave people everything.” What initially came up first was how I shown up in my marriage and then I realized this is always how I’ve shown up.

It broke my heart when I reflected over the years of how I cheated myself. Not just in my marriage, but all relationships. I didn’t know myself enough to demand what I needed. I now INNERstand why anxiety and depression fall on us. We never make time to sit with ourselves, so therefore we don’t learn what our mind, body, and spirit needs. We can’t hear our sane thoughts because we are tired and worn out from giving our “all” to others first. So, these are the things I’ve forgiven myself for:

-I forgive myself for not loving myself above others

-I forgive myself for protecting those who have caused me pain

-I forgive myself to protecting my abuser

-I forgive myself for allowing people to lie to me

-I forgive myself for staying in the shadow, so others can feel good about themselves

-I forgive myself for not believing in myself.

Meditate on how you are showing up for YOU. Are you satisfied with what you see and how you feel? How can you change that and start fresh on putting yourself first?

-Journey of a Butterfly

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